It’s ok to not have a passion or to be uncertain. You may just be a hummingbird rather than a jackhammer and that is more than ok.

Why this video is amazing and a salute to all the fellow hummingbirds out there.

http://www.oprah.com/own-supersoulsessions/Elizabeth-Gilbert-The-Curiosity-Driven-Life-Video

I am a person who has lived my whole life with passion running through my veins, but throughout my life so far that hasn’t been a single focused solitary passion. I definitely have passions that have been with me now my whole life and the biggest one is horses. They have been and will always be something that my soul feels empty without.
There have been times when that passion seemed like the only thing in the entire world but truth be told, horses allowed me to indulge in other creative pursuits through that channel. I have created freestyle dressage tests to music over the years, countless costumes for events and had my camera by my side photographing them.

Over the years I have discovered an interest in all manner of things, you name it, if it’s some form of creative arts/making something, I’ve probably done a course in it.

I was having a conversation with a friend about this very topic before I stumbled upon Liz’ video and we were trying to work out why I haven’t committed to just one “thing”. I have enjoyed every single one I have tried and didn’t suck at them either. I felt almost like I was letting myself down for not choosing one pursuit and seeing how far I could really go with it, until I watched this video. Now I feel inspired to continue to follow my curiosity. This is who I am. I’m a freaking hummingbird.

I have a giant list of things I am passionate about and I am going to damn well keep doing whatever seemingly strange idea I have next with no pressure to make it my whole life or sole pursuit. I am going to continue to dabble in whatever takes my fancy. I am a “maker” and that is completely ok, rather than labeling myself a writer, an artist or a photographer etc or feeling like a should commit to one.

Now I’m off to find a bee keeping course.

 

7 things I have learnt about relationships (since not being in one)

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7 things I have learnt about relationships (since not being in one)

It has been interesting over the last 2 years or so as an outsider to the relationship world. I have had time to reflect on things and it is so much easier to see certain situations from an emotionally detached vantage point.

I’m going to start with something positive..

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1. Appreciation. 

As a whole we tend to take things for granted. People, what they do for us and just in general, especially when things are going well. Don’t! Show some appreciation (gratitude). This small gesture can go a long way. Don’t under estimate what a word of thanks or telling someone you appreciate them in your life can do. It makes people feel appreciated and feeling appreciated, feels good.

Lets face it, isn’t that the whole point.

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2. Don’t lose yourself in the process of finding or being in a relationship.

This is a big one for me. Hopefully, you come into a relationship as a person with interests, passions and friends (a life basically). Keep all of those things in your life. Balance is so important. A relationship is supposed to add to your life, not take away from it. All of these things make you who you are. You can be with someone and still see your friends and do the things you enjoy, it’s all about making time for what is important to you in your life. Time for yourself is vital for your happiness and therefore the success of the relationship. Don’t give so much you end up losing yourself in the process.

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3. If you are not happy on your own, then a relationship will not fix that. 

Your relationship with someone else is a direct reflection of the relationship you have with yourself. Someone else cannot fill you up, if you are unhappy with yourself then looking for external sources to fill a void will not work. It may temporarily but deep down the issues you have, you will still have unless you do something about them. Using someone else to recharge your batteries is not sustainable, for either person. If you both turn up whole and complete then you will compliment each others lives not just try and make up for apparent deficiencies.

You should want to be with someone, not need to be with someone.

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4. Don’t let the small things become big things. 

This is something I have only been able to see from the outside, when my relationship was over. Life is far too short for the stress we allow into our lives and the amount of things that bother us that really are trivial in the greater scheme of things. I see people fighting (and this was something that happened in my relationship) over the stupidest things, at the end of the day it’s usually an issue that you are having that you are making an issue out of. Another thing I have noticed (from both my own situation and others) is always being right worth the drama it creates?

5. You are not a label.

I see so many people get hung up on labels, for whatever situation but with relationships being single is a state some people rejoice in while others feel negatively about. Single is a word. We put weight on words with judgements, fear and a perceived meaning. I would rather be happy or feel good in whatever situation I am in, rather than getting hung up on whether I am in a relationship or not.

6. Expectations can ruin relationships.

We attach expectations to all sorts of things. When we expect people to act or treat us a certain way and they don’t, what happens? We feel disappointed. There are a few problems associated with this. We have decided that because they are our partner (friend, brother etc.) that they should do things that go along with the particular label they have been given. It’s our thoughts about what has or hasn’t eventuated that makes us disappointed. How can we be sure the person we have put this expectation on feels the same way about the situation? Was it even an issue for them? We can’t change the situation but we can change how we think about it.

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7. You teach people how to treat you. 

As i’ve already said I believe a relationship is supposed to add to your life, being happy is the perfect reason to be in a relationship. You need to remember you are accountable only for your own actions, you cannot control anyone else’s. If you are unhappy in a situation, then it is up to you to do something about it. Sometimes it might be a matter of looking within, do you respect and love yourself? If not, start there. If yes, do not stay in a situation out of fear. Create healthy boundaries. If you are not happy with how you are being treated staying just reinforces that it’s ok. What you allow will continue.

Let go of expectations..

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Realising this has been such a light bulb moment for me. I still fall off the wagon and get caught up in the stage coach of stories in my mind at times but when this was explained to me it made so much sense.

If you have no expectations, you cannot possibly be disappointed.

It’s important to explain I’m not advocating letting go of your dreams and living small. I mean let go of the attachment to the outcome. Have gratitude and focus your energy on appreciating what you do have.

It is freedom.

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What I mean is perfectly illustrated here:

http://tinybuddha.com/blog/are-your-expectations-setting-you-up-for-disappointment/

Every time you point a finger at someone, remember that you have 3 fingers pointing back at you…

Food for thought today comes from something the amazing Melissa Ambrosini said last night when I attended my second Goddess Group evening.

A point she made was take responsibility for how you are showing up and ask yourself what part you had to play in the situation. This made me think back to the biggest event in my life in the last few years. The breakdown of my marriage. In hindsight now I can see how and when events starting unfolding. But I also now see and take responsibility for how I turned up, especially in the end. This is something I have learnt immense lessons from and I will be forever grateful for.

remember this!

This is not easy to write, but I was an empty shell for awhile there. We were both just using each other to fill a void, very unsuccessfully I might add. I was miserable and I didn’t know where to turn to find my way out of the vast fog. Queue the world apparently falling from under my feet, or so I thought at the time. It forced me to re-examine everything that my life was, what I want it to be and find out how I can make that happen.

I can now see how important turning up whole and complete is in any relationship, friendships included. I want to shout this message from the rooftops now! Everyone has their own path in life with lessons to learn along the way. I am going to try to be accountable for my own actions and how I am showing up now.

This quote says it all. xo

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The heart that gives, gathers – Tao Te Ching

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A few weeks ago I was attending a course for work on Health and Safety in the workplace, the trainer was talking about what the loss of a life was to a workplace, it was sterile and a shock to hear human life perpetrated in this way. He then explained that are lives are worth so much more than any figure people/a workplace care to put on it, but even more so was the impact on the people around you. He asked who else would be impacted? People that you don’t even think of. An example he gave was volunteering. If you volunteer for something that benefits the community you extend that net even further.

Our lives are so valuable and how valuable yours is, is up to you. Would you be happy with your legacy? Are you living your life to its full potential? Giving back is one of the quickest and easiest ways to bring more happiness into our lives. However small the contribution you make, all of those little pieces in a puzzle make up the whole picture.

Years ago I looked into volunteering with my dog into a therapy dog program. I have seen the benefits that animals can bring to people and I experience this in my life on a day to day basis. It turns out that the dog I owned at the time was going to be too timid to enjoy the experience so it’s so  mething I put on the shelf until I was in a position to look into it again. Never lose sight of your goals, if it’s something you want the universe has a way of providing what you ask for.

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Fast forward years, I had been admiring greyhounds for years and decided one day that when the time was right I was going to adopt a retired racing dog or two. In 2012 I welcomed a pair of greyhounds into my life. They had the perfect temperament and I excitedly thought about the prospect of finally having a suitable dog to take on therapy dog visits.
It turns out I had two! I initially started visiting the Whiddon Group’s Easton Park facility with Pip but the more training Tiger went to, the easier it became to channel his excitement for life. They both commenced visits together at the end of 2013. The residents at the aged care facility love when the dogs come to visit. I have heard so many wonderful stories from people about their dogs and their lives. It is so wonderful to see people smile when the dogs skip through the door or walk over for a pat. I visit a high care (palliative) ward and although this can be challenging at times, it is so rewarding. The dogs and I love it.

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Volunteering can be such a rewarding experience and I highly recommend if you are in any sort of rut in your life or looking for a rewarding way to add to it, try giving back in some way. There are so many avenues that you could look into volunteering in, even a small amount of your time can help.

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It’s ok to ask for help..

Sometimes I scroll through my Facebook feed and I see posts about things that are going wrong in people’s lives (I know most people have done it and I have been guilty of this in the past), the sort of person I am means I want to help them. I don’t like seeing people I care about not happy but I have now learnt that you cannot help everyone. I have also learnt that you cannot help someone that doesn’t want the help or to change. If someone is stuck in that victim mentality then your words will fall on deaf ears anyway. Sometimes something in life shines a light on what was happening and you can choose to look (and hopefully learn from this) or shut your eyes.

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Sometimes these FB posts are a cry for help, sometimes people are stuck in that negative headspace and really don’t know what to do to get out. However, sometimes there are people that chase drama or just enjoy having a dark cloud following them around in life. My advice, distance yourself in that instance, there is no point in letting someone else rain on your parade.

I found that even though you may have amazing friends and people in your life, that if you don’t let people know that there is something going on they may not realise. It is ok to ask for help.

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It’s ok to get help from whatever source you think may work for you. I found out that with me, I set out on a particular path, I was drawn to a person who embodied everything I wanted to get back in my life (or wanted to have), once on this path doors started opening to other people who also shared these same qualities. Some people have a glow to them, they just radiate happiness and it’s like their souls are shining through with the most remarkable light. That lifts other people. I’ve already talked about Gala Darling who I found and could relate to, then through an organic process of one person online talking about other people they had worked with I found Paula Galli. She had a blog and I did a 7 day online course followed by a video series. It just made so much sense to me. I purchased her book and have since signed up to coaching sessions with her, there have been so many lightbulb moments and this is what is working for me to sort out all that has been going on and what I want from my life in the future. I just clicked with her and technology makes it able to connect with people all over the world. Paula’s awesomeness can be found here.

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You may prefer the more traditional route of speaking to a counsellor or a psychologist but what ever you do, keep trying until you find something that works for you. If you are not happy with something in your life, do whatever you have in your power to change that. Don’t wait for someone to do it for you, it doesn’t work like that. It can be confronting and scary to think about and the patterns that are making you unhappy or are just not serving you may be well and truly ingrained. Do it anyway. You may want to do it all yourself by reading books or materials online, that may work for you.

Lemony Snicket Quote

Don’t let your life pass you by wishing something would change but not actually doing anything about it.

xo

“Girls” compete with each other, “Women” empower one another!

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The older I have gotten, the more I have realised this reigns true. It saddens me to see how prevalent the green eyed monster is amongst the female sex. I have fallen victim to this in my life, as I’m sure all women have. But as I’ve grown older (and wiser) I have realised that it is such a negative and soul destroying thing to do. We should be celebrating other women’s achievements and sharing in the excitement. What you put out in the world, you get back!

Take it even further, look up to women out there dancing to their own beat, or the beat that you want to be dancing to and use this for inspiration, not comparison or as something to be jealous of.

I went along to an absolutely awe-inspiring evening run by Earth Events late last year, the Radical End of Year Party. There were 4 guest speakers, all women that were doing amazing things in their lives and to help the lives of their soul sisters. The buzz in the room was phenomenal, it was like everyone who was there wanted the best for you, we need more of that!

 You can check them all out at their respective sites 🙂

Gala DarlingMelissa Ambrosini, Rachel MacDonald and Julie Parker

Next time you feel yourself start to get jealous over something in someone’s life, take note, it’s your ego or fear talking. Try a change of tactic and celebrate their achievements and their awesomeness, you are awesome too!

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Im going to finish with a couple of the women that have changed my life and I look to for inspiration.

Firstly, Aimee Echo. She has been like the sun in my sky ever since I discovered her band back in the 90’s. All through my angsty/up and down teens I had her lyrics/music as a source of happiness and her as an inspiration. As I got talking to her I realised she was such an incredible person, having such a wonderful energy and positive vibe. I have valued her friendship ever since. 

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More recently I discovered Gala Darling online one day and it has improved my life in so many spectacular ways. I definitely believe things happen for a reason and discovering her Radical Self Love movement was instrumental in the path I am now on. Through this process I have found so many other influential and great people and that rocks!

She rocks!

She rocks!